Love In the Time of Coronavirus

There are some things in my life I will never EVER tolerate, things that will bring my wrath down upon you so fast you’ll wonder which apocalyptic horseman kicked your ass, things that will make you regret ever opening your mouth.

By “you” I mean friends and strangers alike. By “things” I mean unwarranted attacks against my sweet husband.

Yes, I’m writing you you, anonymous sheep-witch from the grocery store, who saw fit to jump down my husband’s throat for sneezing. I didn’t witness it – I was lamenting the closing of our fencing club with a friend from class I saw in another line, but when I approached my husband, he was standing back and told me not to get too close because a sneeze sent you into a tizzy.

Yes, he sneezed. INTO HIS SLEEVE!! A simple sneeze does not equate to Coronavirus, which you would know if you took a moment to stop, think and actually use your braincells for rational thought.

But no. You watch the news, you believe everything you read online and all of a sudden you’re a leading expert on Coronavirus.

Do you really think if it’s as bad as all the hysterical media wants us to believe that my husband would even feel like being out?

Listen lady, I had swine flu, one of the 60 MILLION people who had it (about 1 in 5 Americans had it in varying forms if you care about actual statistics which is FAR MORE than the current 6400 cases of Coronavirus) — I felt like pulling my lip over my head and swallowing for about a week. I hadn’t been that sick in 25 years when I was sent home from work that day. I still don’t remember how I hauled my sorry ass from work to the doctor, to the hospital for a chest xray and then home. If that is anything like Coronavirus, my sweetheart wouldn’t feel like standing up, much less grocery shopping for the few picked over remains of the sheeple hysteria.

Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten into it with you at the store — It’s not my fault you’re acting irrationally, after all, and if you’ve been conditioned to believe everything you read and hear, maybe it’s not entirely your fault, either. But you attack my husband, you attack me, and I’m definitely not putting up with your bullshit. If you want to be hypersensitive to every sneeze, sniffle or dry cough you hear, that’s fine, that’s your life and your business – I’m not going to deign to tell you how to think, but don’t expect everyone to share your viewpoint.

Actually, here’s an idea — why don’t you slow your roll, stay indoors and order online if you’re that concerned about exposure, but more importantly, keep your nose out of other people’s business? Telling people what to do and reacting with uncontrolled fear instead of policing your own brass and taking care of yourself as best you can is the quickest way to spread the world’s most deadly contagion — the virus of human stupidity.